I never thought I would find myself sitting down to write about my dating life or lack thereof. But I did promise to be more raw and personal on the blog this year so here goes nothing.
After I was finally ready to move on after my first long term relationship ended, some of my friends recommended that I join Bumble. They said it was “the better Tinder “, “where women lead by talking first “, etc. Well, I was one intrigued bee so naturally I had to check it out for myself. In about 5.5 minutes, I was able to download the app, connect my Facebook account, upload five of my most liked photos on instagram and even get a couple left and right swipes in there . I have to admit, the swiping was SO fun at first. I started to wonder why people even went to cafes or sat on benches to people watch when you could do that all in the comfort of own your bed. At 11pm. With a face mask on.When I was reaaally bored, I would even change my settings to ” interested in women” just to see what I competing against. I have come to realize that they only show you the girls interested in girls. Duh. Anyway, I was one loyal bumble bee. I was also a rather picky one- I had made a silly policy where I would only allow myself to initiate conversations with men who extended their time on me. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, let me englighten you. You see, men on Bumble can’t talk first so if a women does not message them by 24 hours, the match disappears. Unless, they use their daily “extend the time card by 24 hours” card. They only get 1 card a day and only ~ 1 in 5 men would extend the time on me but I lived for those who did.
Here’s where the story takes a little rom com twist ( spoiler alert: it doesn’t end like your typical rom com but you already know that from the title). I was really on bumble to try to find someone I had a little crush on. He was a barista/manager/god knows what he is who worked at this café that had just opened up. He would give me free coffees and even told me that he would put one on the menu as the “Amira” latte. My friends hated him because he would only give me the free ones ( that should have been a redflag, btw). We would flirt here and there but nothing came from it. I’m talking at least 6 free coffees flirting sessions and still nada. I was starting to think that he wasn’t single or something but then.. BAM! his profile popped up on my Bumble app. Super reluctant to swipe right, I did… and…it was a match! Now, I knew that being the woman, I had to initiate conversation or else it would expire 24 hours. But, I also knew that if he was reaaally interested, that he would use his extend card on me!
The match expired because he didn’t extend the time. Oh the cringe, I thought. Did this mean I had to pay $4.50 for my latte now? Will I ever step foot in that café again ? The coffee shop had been open for merely 3 weeks at this point, and if you did the math right with the free coffees, I was there for at least a week of those . It was going to look bad regardless of whether I went back or stopped going all together ! Plus, I had already agreed to meet a friend there the next day and I didn’t want to bail.
The barista/ the man with power to give free coffees saw me as I walked in with my friend and we awkwardly exchanged hellos. An hour later, as I was leaving the place, he came up to me and asked me why I didn’t talk to him on the app. I asked him why he didn’t extend the time and we laughed it off. He still didn’t take my number and instead decided to slide into my DMs ( another redflag ) so we could make date arrangements.
For the first time in a long time, I was excited about a date! Sure, we had matched on an app but that was only the catalyst since we we had actually met ” on a Wednesday in a café”. It was pretty romantic and Taylor Swift would have approved.
I’ll cut to the chase- the date never happened. I was left sad ( mostly because I had made sure that my hair washing cycle aligned perfectly with the date ) and confused. A few hours before the date, he sent me a DM telling me that he had to sign some papers for the café and couldn’t make it. I started to wonder if he wasn’t just a barista, that perhaps he owned the place and was signing papers at 8pm on a Thursday night ? Something didn’t feel right about the whole situation but I still gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Days passed by with no follow up. He had vanished into thin air leaving me scratching my head at what I could have possibly done to scare him away. No one can be that rude, I thought! I was almost certain that something horrible happened to the bloke. Sigh.
Turns out, he is very much alive- just a ghost. If you don’t know what a “ghost” is in dating terms , then, chances are that you have been very lucky in your love life OR living under a rock for the past few years. In which case, can you check to see if he is under that rock too? Ghosting sucks and I wish indifferent cowards who do it knew that… but they don’t..
The moral of the story is to always pick up on redflags when you start talking to a new guy. If a guy is interested in you, he will 100% extend his time for you on an app. Heck, he wouldn’t even need to depend on an app if you talked to him 6+ times in person. If a guy is a gentleman, he would either give ALL your friends free coffee or proceed to give no one free coffee . Otherwise, he’s just very inconsiderate and rude.
It’s safe to say that I have never stepped foot back in the place but friends who have gone back have told me that he no longer works there. I like to tell myself that he was out at 8pm signing papers to sell the coffee shop and then hopped on a flight to live his life on some isolated island. With zero wi-fi.